“So, J.P, whatta you thinking about the …”  I was asked that over and over, on the street, in the shops and in the barber’s chair like I was the expert. Well I’m not.

I dig in the many pockets of my heart to find a smile. I fasten one on my old face and walk away. I have to pay my bills and this is how I do it, how I’ve always done it. I go on the stage and make you laugh.

Don’t I look calm? I’m getting good at looking calm because I’ve been practicing calmness by standing in front of the mirror.

I was an actor and stand up comic for 57 years, you know, and I’m really good at standing “backstage” and taking a deep breath before going on to make you laugh. That requires calmness.

Understand I’m going to be busy for the next couple of months. So here’s what you have to know. Tell me what you think.

I’m about to start to begin flying lessons.

Was that a gasp? Stop gasping and read.

You heard me, FLYING LESSONS. Yes, flying lessons, in an actual airplane. I was in the Air Force for four years and flew home across the Pacific and sat right behind the two pilots. I  watched them for the whole trip, and between writing my last will, I made notes.

Now, dear reader, keep this to yourself. I don’t want to scare my daughters.

This week I’m going over to the local airport where I understand that there’s a company that gives flying lessons.

I did some research into their lessons and learned that one has to be an adult, which I am, in good health (that means I have to check with my doctor — he’ll understand), with good eyesight, in good mental health and looking “calm.”

I can fake all of those. I was an actor for many years, and I can fake any emotion, especially sanity.

Dear reader, how long have you known me? Haven’t I convinced you that I’m almost perfectly normal? You see? I convinced my beloved wife I was normal almost 65 years ago.

You might ask, what man of my age would consider learning to fly? Why, I can barely walk. When my left leg began to go wobbly years ago, I practiced walking normally in front of the mirror, then I took the “new” me to her.

“Look at you,” She gasped. “You’re not limping!”

“Of course not, I’m pretending to be Al Pacino.”

“You’re too Irish to be Al Pacino,” She said. “Can you pretend to be Cary Grant? He didn’t limp.”

“Of course I can,” I said. So I did my Cary Grant impression.

If they accept me at the flying school, I will be a good student, I know. I figure it will take at least six months to take the wheel, and then?

I will sell my house and buy a small Cessna and fly around central Maine, Augusta and move up to Portland.

In a year or two, I will fly to Ireland where the dream of me began and where I am eligible for citizenship.

I have a couple of questions. How much is a Cessna, and how far is Ireland? Oh yeah, I will need company. Any locals care to join me? Come fly with me.

J.P. Devine is a Waterville writer.